Hi. We need to talk.
Now it’s nothing to worry about. You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s not you it’s me. Well… maybe it’s a little bit you. The thing is, I’m not sure this is working out, you and I. I think I may be going a little bit… mad.
You see, I started this blog almost two years ago, in the summer of 2016. It was one of the worst times of my life. It was the summer I lost my job. That’s something I still haven’t spoken about properly on the internet (and I’d really like to, someday) but long story short: it sucked. My every day life was changed by something I couldn’t control, and I really didn’t like feeling out of control.
So, in an effort to feel like I had a hold of something in my life, I started writing here. I’d decided around this time that I was going to throw myself back into the book world after a year of severely neglecting my literary life. That meant writing, reading and finding out about the publishing industry. This blog seemed like a good opportunity to get back into that, as well as a good outlet for generally venting my feelings. And I quite liked it. I’ve always loved blogging. I’ve been doing it on several platforms for almost ten years. I’ve had art blogs, creative writing blogs, I even contributed to a pretty cool amateur theatre blog back in the day. And I wrote some posts on here that I’m actually really bloody proud of. Like this one and this one.
But here’s the thing, over the last few months, I haven’t really enjoyed what I’ve been writing. I would sit down to craft the perfect post about a recent read or a monthly update and the words just wouldn’t come. I would tear my hair out thinking, “You’re supposed to be a writer! Why can’t you write anything?” I felt paralysed by a self imposed obligation to post on this blog. Everything that appeared on that blank word document felt forced. So, one day, I just stopped.
Since the start, the content of this blog has primarily been about books because, well, I know books. I love books. I could talk about books for hours. Plus, the redundancy situation sent me off on an obsessive journey towards a career in publishing. It got to the point where I was writing just in case an employer found my blog link in my CV and had a look for themselves. I was writing for everyone but me and it just wasn’t working out.
But when I stopped doing that, when I stopped pressuring myself to create things I didn’t even really like, that’s when the ideas started to come. It was like breaking off my obligation to my book blog opened up all sorts of doors in my head, full of ideas for projects and posts, too many to ever be realised. But they were good, exciting ideas, not restricted by a theme or a genre and not something I felt like I had to write. It reminded me why I’ve loved writing my entire life and it made me want to get back to it.
So I’m breaking my silence, I’m back and I wanted to let you know. Sometimes it will be about books, but I also want to share some writing about other things too, like travel, jobs, film, illustration and even a couple of stories here and there. I feel so excited to put some of my muddled thoughts into words but, above all, I’m excited to write for myself again. It’s been a while.